I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how can u be prego again
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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