i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize