We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
