When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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