If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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