I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
