The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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