1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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