forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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