He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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