I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made out with another girl for some wings
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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