I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
