Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
