I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
