FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this boner is exhausting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
