dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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