well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize