Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
