i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Found the puke drawer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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