I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize