I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's get the cat blown out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
