Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
