I want to have your abortion
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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