my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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