Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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