We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
