And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
