i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
