Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
