he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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