Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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