just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
