it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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