hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
