I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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