Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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