He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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