3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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