I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize