my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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