He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
