I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
