Duck Duck Cougar?
My balls are so social today.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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