im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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