I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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