I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
