So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
