I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
