i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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