I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
