Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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