I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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