her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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