I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
