She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
