I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
