I love black thongs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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