I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
