I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
