Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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