please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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