i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
