Plan B is the new Plan A
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
