I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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