I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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