Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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