We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
