Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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