hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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