then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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